After the miscarriage, I felt so lost. Not only had I lost my baby but I felt like God had taken away my dream of coming home and sewing full time. Remember how in an earlier post I said everything lined up perfectly and that I started making plans? Looking back I assumed that God lined everything up in a pretty little row and I started making plans of my own. I realize now I thanked God and praised him for what he was doing but I never once asked him if all of that was his plan. I decided I would work the entire I was pregnant but never consulted him about it. It's so easy to see now how I just took control of the situation instead of relying on God to lead me.
Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts." When I read this verse and read Jeremiah 29:11 I slowly began to see that even though God wants to give us our hearts desires it's all about his way, his plans, his timing. I had made the mistake of assuming I knew God's timing when really I never even prayed about it.
So I began to pray and seek God's will. I could feel with all that was in me that God still wanted me to come home. He continued to bless my business. I was working 80 hours a week between both jobs soon after the miscarriage. I had no life. I spent no time with Jeremy and Ansley. Between working that many hours, the miscarriage, and not being able to do anything I slowly began to come apart at the seams. I just didn't see how God could want me to work that way. I rarely saw Jeremy. Ansley stays with us every other week and I barely got to see her because as soon as I got home from my day job I started sewing and worked til 10 or 11 every night. Plus I would sew most all day Saturday and part of Sunday. I started crying to God even louder and more frequent. Something had to give.
God showed me that his timing and my timing were so different. In my mind we would get pregnant again and I would work while I was pregnant which meant probably another year of working 80 hours a week. God had different plans for me. He began to show me that I was living but had no quality of life. He showed me that his timing was different for me. He began to impress the importance of me being there for my sweet daughter and my husband and through lots of prayer I saw that his plan was for me to come home soon.
At this time I was in sales so I spent lots of time in my car traveling. I would pray, pray, and pray some more. I praised God, I would sing songs to him, I would tell him my needs. One day on the way to the coast I was crying to him. I literally had massive tears coming down my face. I had been praying that God would show me when it was time to come home. You see I knew if it wasn't God's timing that me being home would never work. It had to be about him and not me.
I was still so heart broken over the loss of our baby and I just needed God. I needed him to heal me and let me know I was going to be ok. I needed him to show me what to do. I needed to know his plans. I needed to know his timing. I needed to know that he would take care of me.
So while praying I calculated how much money I would need to make every month just to survive. I don't mean money to go out and eat on, or to buy new clothes, or go to the movies...just the money to pay tithes, bills, put gas in my car and get us groceries. My number wasn't really big but it still scared me. I had been making that much easily in sewing every month for at least 6 months but it still scared me. So I told God I knew he was calling me to take the leap of faith and go home full time. I knew the time was soon but I was so scared. I told him exactly how much I needed every month just to survive. I was crying because all I wanted to do was just trust him and follow him but I needed something...some kind of reassurance.
There in my car, driving down the road it was like time stood still. God may not have spoken to me in an audible voice but within my soul I recognized his voice so clearly. I have always thought of God as my Daddy and that's how he reached out to me. It was like he gently touched my tear stained face, lifted my chin and said, "Mellanie, my child. Why are you limiting me? Why are you putting limitations on what I can do? Do you not know that I want to do so much more for you than that?" And peace flooded my soul once again. Even now as I type this big tears are in my eyes because I am so amazed that the God of this universe loved me enough to take the time to quiet my fears and to speak so clearly to me. I was and am still amazed at this one moment in my life.
Pretty soon after that a friend told me that she didn't think God ever intended us (women) to work the way we do. We work to buy our kids things when what they really needed was us. I was right on the edge of deciding when to put in my notice and I believe God used her to speak to my heart and push me over that edge. I realized that God needed me to give Ansley my time not the things money could buy her by working two jobs. The next day I trusted in God's plan and timing and I took a leap of faith. I put in my notice and never looked back. When I put in my notice it was like the weight of the world was taken off my shoulders. I don't think I ever realized how many burdens I was carrying up until that point.
God took the pain of my miscarriage and made something beautiful out of it. I got to come home. God broke me with my miscarriage. You see he needed me to hear him, he needed to get my attention and he used my miscarriage to do that. He took me to a place I never wanted to go but only there in the valley could I see that God was all I needed. There is where I seen that his grace really is enough. There in the valley is where I could hear God speak to me and see his plans for me. If I had chosen to be bitter I would have missed the blessing. If I had not been seeking God day and night I could of never heard his voice. If I had not given God the pieces of my broken heart and allowed him to put them back together the way he wanted them to I would have missed how he can take our heartbreaks and turn them into something beautiful.
God took away my baby but he answered my prayers to come home. God rarely answers are prayers the way we think they are going to be answered. Sometimes our prayers have some painful consequences. Sometimes those answers throw us down into the valley but if you wait, if you seek him, if you trust him, if you really listen to what he has to say to you and show you, if you open your eyes to what he is doing in the midst of the valley you will see that God is there. He is still working and he is answering your prayer.
"In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you says the Lord. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land." Jeremiah 29:12-14
What a MIGHTY and FAITHFUL God we serve!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Mercy in the Valley
These next few blogs are probably going to be a little lengthy but I feel like I need to tell the whole story so you can get a clear picture of exactly what my God was doing in my life during these darker days.
I went to my first OB appointment filled with hope and excitement. Everything seemed great so we scheduled an ultrasound. Jeremy, my sweet husband, left work to come to the ultrasound with me that Thursday. I was so excited to see Jeremy's reaction to the ultrasound. This would be his first time experiencing a pregnancy. In my head I was already dreaming about the day he could feel our baby kick and could see the baby's tiny hand or foot move across my belly. I dreamt about him holding our baby for the first time. Jeremy is such an amazing Dad to my sweet Ansley so I knew he would be wonderful with our baby.
We went back for the ultrasound and I could hardly contain myself. I had a child from a previous marriage so I knew the routine. I stared at the screen as the ultrasound was being performed but something wasn't right. The screen showed what looked to be a rather large sac, which was my uterus, with nothing inside of it. A million thoughts ran through my mind. I kept looking at it and thinking is that the baby? It doesn't look the same as when I had Ansley but it had been 10 years since I had her so maybe things had changed. Why couldn't I see the baby? Maybe I wasn't as far along as I thought I was. That had to be it. I was only 3 or 4 weeks instead of 7. So I asked the lady, "Is that the baby?" And she wouldn't answer me. She took a few more measurements on the screen, put down her equipment and said five words that I will never forget. "I'm sorry, there's nothing there."
I got up from the table to put my clothes back on trying to process what she just said. Nothing there? There had to be a mistake. I took 3 pregnancy tests. They all came back positive. What did she mean there was nothing there. I came back into the room and she gave the technical term for what my pregnancy was but I can't remember what it was because my mind was in overdrive trying to process this. She walked out of the room so she could get a doctor to talk to me and I lost it. I broke down and cried a river right there. I felt like God had played some kind of cruel joke on me. How could this be? God lined up everything so perfectly. Everything was falling into place. And it hit me...not only was I losing my baby but I felt like God was destroying me dream. I was devestated beyond belief. Jeremy tried to comfort me the best he could but he didn't understand the depths of my loss. He didn't know what it was like to have a baby inside of you and feel it move. He didn't know what it was like to hold a newborn and realize that that sweet baby was dependent on you for his/her every want or need. Though he tried the best he could, nothing he said comforted me.
Before I move on let me say this, my doctor later told me a sperm had fertilized an egg but somewhere along the way it never made it to the uterus. I believe with all that I am that life begins at the moment of conception. There was a baby there even if it never grew past the moment of conception. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise.
I drove myself home while Jeremy went back to work. Several friends came over as soon as they heard and offered their love and prayers and for this I am eternally grateful. I called Jeremy and asked him to come home because I needed him there with me. Even if he couldn't make all of this better at least I wouldn't be alone. While I waited for him to get there I did the only thing I knew to do...I prayed. I cried out to my God. I told him I didn't understand why he did this. He lined up everything so perfectly. I thought I knew his plans for me but now those dreams seem to be shattered. I was devestated.
It's so easy for us to praise God when everything is good, when everything seems to be going along as planned. It's a lot harder to praise him when your world crumbles around you, when your heart shatters like broken glass. I had a choice to make. I could have been bitter, I could have blamed God, but I chose to praise him instead. I thanked him for the good things he gave me. I asked him to open my eyes and help me see how he showed me mercy through this because at that moment all I could see was my pain.
Looking back now, I can so clearly see how God was preparing me for that moment. I had been praying and seeking his will for my life. He knew I would have to make a choice, bitterness or praise. I'm so eternally grateful that for once in my life I got it right. My heart was tuned to God just enough for him to open my eyes so he could start showing me that very day how he showed my such mercy through my situation.
Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for what all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." That day I needed peace. I hurt beyond what I though I could endure and when my heart felt cry to God was for peace in the midst of my storm that is exactly what he gave me. That in no way means that I wasn't still hurting. My heart was shattered...it just meant that I rested in knowing God heard me, I rested in knowing he was in that very room with me, I rested in knowing that he would help me understand all of this, I rested in knowing that he had plans for me and they were for good and not harm.
God opened my eyes that day to how merciful he was in my situation. First of all I could of had the miscarriage on my own but I found out by ultrasound. I was able to have a D&C and I didn't have to have a miscarriage at my home. That was God's mercy. Ansley's Dad and I share custody of her and it so happened that it was his week to have her. However, I got her on Thursdays on his week so I could take her to gymnastics. We had the ultrasound on a Thursday. My sweet Ansley was devestated when we broke the news to her and I had to crawl out of my pain to comfort her in hers...that was God's mercy. Not only that but having my sweet child beside me, being able to hold her and love her, seeing God's gift to me right before my eyes comforted me in a way that no one else could. That was God's mercy.
So I praised God through my pain that day and in the following months. I thanked God for the child that I did have. I told God that even if he never gave me another baby I would still praise him because I had Ansley. My eyes were opened to how some women never have children and to how blessed I was to even have her. She really is a gift from God.
My heart began to heal with time the best that it could. I had ups and downs everyday. Some days my heart would feel like it was breaking beyond repair again but I always cried out to God and he always gave me peace. He began to show me how blessed I really was. I cried almost everyday and many days it was because I was so overwhelmed with how good my God is. Some people didn't understand how I could praise him through this but my answer was always how could I not? If all he ever did for me was die on Calvary, it would have been enough. But he gave me a husband who loves and adores me, he gave me my sweet Ansley, he gave me food, a car, a home, friends, family, sunsets in the afternoons, good health, the ability to get up and run, the beauty of creation....my list could go on and on. With all that God has blessed me with how could I not choose to praise him through my pain?
Hebrews 4:16 says, "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and will find grace to help us when we need it the most." I came to his throne boldly time and time again looking for him, seeking his will, needing his grace and he always gave me just what I needed. God was my sustainer during one of the darkest parts of my life. He gave me his grace when I needed it the most. He showed my mercy in the valley.
I went to my first OB appointment filled with hope and excitement. Everything seemed great so we scheduled an ultrasound. Jeremy, my sweet husband, left work to come to the ultrasound with me that Thursday. I was so excited to see Jeremy's reaction to the ultrasound. This would be his first time experiencing a pregnancy. In my head I was already dreaming about the day he could feel our baby kick and could see the baby's tiny hand or foot move across my belly. I dreamt about him holding our baby for the first time. Jeremy is such an amazing Dad to my sweet Ansley so I knew he would be wonderful with our baby.
We went back for the ultrasound and I could hardly contain myself. I had a child from a previous marriage so I knew the routine. I stared at the screen as the ultrasound was being performed but something wasn't right. The screen showed what looked to be a rather large sac, which was my uterus, with nothing inside of it. A million thoughts ran through my mind. I kept looking at it and thinking is that the baby? It doesn't look the same as when I had Ansley but it had been 10 years since I had her so maybe things had changed. Why couldn't I see the baby? Maybe I wasn't as far along as I thought I was. That had to be it. I was only 3 or 4 weeks instead of 7. So I asked the lady, "Is that the baby?" And she wouldn't answer me. She took a few more measurements on the screen, put down her equipment and said five words that I will never forget. "I'm sorry, there's nothing there."
I got up from the table to put my clothes back on trying to process what she just said. Nothing there? There had to be a mistake. I took 3 pregnancy tests. They all came back positive. What did she mean there was nothing there. I came back into the room and she gave the technical term for what my pregnancy was but I can't remember what it was because my mind was in overdrive trying to process this. She walked out of the room so she could get a doctor to talk to me and I lost it. I broke down and cried a river right there. I felt like God had played some kind of cruel joke on me. How could this be? God lined up everything so perfectly. Everything was falling into place. And it hit me...not only was I losing my baby but I felt like God was destroying me dream. I was devestated beyond belief. Jeremy tried to comfort me the best he could but he didn't understand the depths of my loss. He didn't know what it was like to have a baby inside of you and feel it move. He didn't know what it was like to hold a newborn and realize that that sweet baby was dependent on you for his/her every want or need. Though he tried the best he could, nothing he said comforted me.
Before I move on let me say this, my doctor later told me a sperm had fertilized an egg but somewhere along the way it never made it to the uterus. I believe with all that I am that life begins at the moment of conception. There was a baby there even if it never grew past the moment of conception. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise.
I drove myself home while Jeremy went back to work. Several friends came over as soon as they heard and offered their love and prayers and for this I am eternally grateful. I called Jeremy and asked him to come home because I needed him there with me. Even if he couldn't make all of this better at least I wouldn't be alone. While I waited for him to get there I did the only thing I knew to do...I prayed. I cried out to my God. I told him I didn't understand why he did this. He lined up everything so perfectly. I thought I knew his plans for me but now those dreams seem to be shattered. I was devestated.
It's so easy for us to praise God when everything is good, when everything seems to be going along as planned. It's a lot harder to praise him when your world crumbles around you, when your heart shatters like broken glass. I had a choice to make. I could have been bitter, I could have blamed God, but I chose to praise him instead. I thanked him for the good things he gave me. I asked him to open my eyes and help me see how he showed me mercy through this because at that moment all I could see was my pain.
Looking back now, I can so clearly see how God was preparing me for that moment. I had been praying and seeking his will for my life. He knew I would have to make a choice, bitterness or praise. I'm so eternally grateful that for once in my life I got it right. My heart was tuned to God just enough for him to open my eyes so he could start showing me that very day how he showed my such mercy through my situation.
Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for what all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." That day I needed peace. I hurt beyond what I though I could endure and when my heart felt cry to God was for peace in the midst of my storm that is exactly what he gave me. That in no way means that I wasn't still hurting. My heart was shattered...it just meant that I rested in knowing God heard me, I rested in knowing he was in that very room with me, I rested in knowing that he would help me understand all of this, I rested in knowing that he had plans for me and they were for good and not harm.
God opened my eyes that day to how merciful he was in my situation. First of all I could of had the miscarriage on my own but I found out by ultrasound. I was able to have a D&C and I didn't have to have a miscarriage at my home. That was God's mercy. Ansley's Dad and I share custody of her and it so happened that it was his week to have her. However, I got her on Thursdays on his week so I could take her to gymnastics. We had the ultrasound on a Thursday. My sweet Ansley was devestated when we broke the news to her and I had to crawl out of my pain to comfort her in hers...that was God's mercy. Not only that but having my sweet child beside me, being able to hold her and love her, seeing God's gift to me right before my eyes comforted me in a way that no one else could. That was God's mercy.
So I praised God through my pain that day and in the following months. I thanked God for the child that I did have. I told God that even if he never gave me another baby I would still praise him because I had Ansley. My eyes were opened to how some women never have children and to how blessed I was to even have her. She really is a gift from God.
My heart began to heal with time the best that it could. I had ups and downs everyday. Some days my heart would feel like it was breaking beyond repair again but I always cried out to God and he always gave me peace. He began to show me how blessed I really was. I cried almost everyday and many days it was because I was so overwhelmed with how good my God is. Some people didn't understand how I could praise him through this but my answer was always how could I not? If all he ever did for me was die on Calvary, it would have been enough. But he gave me a husband who loves and adores me, he gave me my sweet Ansley, he gave me food, a car, a home, friends, family, sunsets in the afternoons, good health, the ability to get up and run, the beauty of creation....my list could go on and on. With all that God has blessed me with how could I not choose to praise him through my pain?
Hebrews 4:16 says, "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and will find grace to help us when we need it the most." I came to his throne boldly time and time again looking for him, seeking his will, needing his grace and he always gave me just what I needed. God was my sustainer during one of the darkest parts of my life. He gave me his grace when I needed it the most. He showed my mercy in the valley.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Dreams
About two years ago, I started sewing again. I used to sew bags and a limited amount of clothing when Ansley was little but after a divorce, getting remarried, moving several times, changing jobs, and just life in general I quit sewing. So one day I dusted off my machine, grabbed some fabric and started sewing again. Friends begin to see what I was doing and started ordering for me. Then friends of friends started ordering. I went from making bags and pillows to children's clothing and I discovered I was half way decent at it. I started a fan page on FB and continued to get orders. After that first Christmas season, I began to dream. I dreamed what it would be like to quit my job, what it would be like to be a full time wife, Mommy, and seamstress. So I started praying that if that is what God dreamed for me also that he would continue to bless my business and allow me to come home.
One day I read, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. I began to really believe in my heart that my dreams could come true as long as I was seeking God, as long as I put him first, as long as I saw that this was all about him and not about me. So I clung to this verse and I prayed.
As I prayed my little part time business grew. The first Christmas season in 2009 was really good. I didn't push myself on people and I didn't openly advertise. All I did was took what little talent God gave me and posted a picture of what I made on FB. 2010 was even better. My business continued to grow. So many times I would step back, look at how many orders I had, and know without a shadow of a doubt that it was God alone working. I continued to pray that he would give me the desires of my heart. The 2010 Christmas season was amazing. I pretty much didn't have any kind of life in November and December of that year. I worked full time at my real job and sewed the rest every spare moment I had. I thought God was really working through my business. I decided that after Christmas last year I was going to take a few weeks off from sewing to evaluate what God wanted me to do with my business. I knew January would be a slow month so I would have time to think about things....that never happened. January was just as busy as Decemeber. In fact, I never got to take a break because God just kept blessing.
I began to really believe Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope." You see I had a dream, a desire, a hope, but I began to see that God had even bigger dreams and hopes for me. I began to see that he wanted to do so much more with my little business than I could ever imagine.
In December of 2010 Jeremy, my sweet husband and I decided we would start trying to have a baby. I have a child from my first marriage. Her and Jeremy are two peas in a pod and I am beyond blessed to have a husband who loves my sweet child as his own but I wanted him to have a child. I wanted Ansley to have a brother or sister from us. I wanted another sweet baby to hold. I dreamed of coming home and raising Ansley and a baby, of taking care of our home, of being the wife God called me to be, of sewing and making a living for my family. I felt like my dreams were God's dreams for me too.
A series of events happened in February 2011 that made me feel like God was about to answer all of my prayers. First off, my business had grown to the point that I was almost working 40 hours a week just sewing. This was on top of me working my real job 40 hours a week. Then we found out we were actually getting a tax refund which meant my shed could be fixed up so I could move my sewing business out there, and lastly we found out I was pregnant. All of these things happened within a week of each other. I became so excited. I praised God cause in my mind he answered my prayers. He seemed to have lined things up so perfectly. We started to tell our family and close friends about being pregnant and everyone rejoiced with us. My 9 year old daughter was so happy that she cried for about 30 minutes. God was good and it was so easy to see that.
I started to make my own plans....notice how I just said my own plans. That's going to be crucial in all of this. I figured I would work at my real job the entire I was pregnant plus work at my sewing. Then after I had our sweet baby I would come home. If I worked while I was pregnant not only could we pay off every debt we had except the house note but we could also save a nice chunk of change saved. Then we wouldn't have to worry so much if my sewing business ever got slow.
I prayed that the baby inside of me was growing to be perfect and healthy. I praised God for his perfect timing. I had such joy because God answered my prayers. Everything was perfect. Little did I know that only a few short weeks later my "perfect" world was going to be turned upside down. I was about to be plummeted into a valley so dark that I wondered how I would survive it. My dreams were about to come apart at the seams.
One day I read, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. I began to really believe in my heart that my dreams could come true as long as I was seeking God, as long as I put him first, as long as I saw that this was all about him and not about me. So I clung to this verse and I prayed.
As I prayed my little part time business grew. The first Christmas season in 2009 was really good. I didn't push myself on people and I didn't openly advertise. All I did was took what little talent God gave me and posted a picture of what I made on FB. 2010 was even better. My business continued to grow. So many times I would step back, look at how many orders I had, and know without a shadow of a doubt that it was God alone working. I continued to pray that he would give me the desires of my heart. The 2010 Christmas season was amazing. I pretty much didn't have any kind of life in November and December of that year. I worked full time at my real job and sewed the rest every spare moment I had. I thought God was really working through my business. I decided that after Christmas last year I was going to take a few weeks off from sewing to evaluate what God wanted me to do with my business. I knew January would be a slow month so I would have time to think about things....that never happened. January was just as busy as Decemeber. In fact, I never got to take a break because God just kept blessing.
I began to really believe Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope." You see I had a dream, a desire, a hope, but I began to see that God had even bigger dreams and hopes for me. I began to see that he wanted to do so much more with my little business than I could ever imagine.
In December of 2010 Jeremy, my sweet husband and I decided we would start trying to have a baby. I have a child from my first marriage. Her and Jeremy are two peas in a pod and I am beyond blessed to have a husband who loves my sweet child as his own but I wanted him to have a child. I wanted Ansley to have a brother or sister from us. I wanted another sweet baby to hold. I dreamed of coming home and raising Ansley and a baby, of taking care of our home, of being the wife God called me to be, of sewing and making a living for my family. I felt like my dreams were God's dreams for me too.
A series of events happened in February 2011 that made me feel like God was about to answer all of my prayers. First off, my business had grown to the point that I was almost working 40 hours a week just sewing. This was on top of me working my real job 40 hours a week. Then we found out we were actually getting a tax refund which meant my shed could be fixed up so I could move my sewing business out there, and lastly we found out I was pregnant. All of these things happened within a week of each other. I became so excited. I praised God cause in my mind he answered my prayers. He seemed to have lined things up so perfectly. We started to tell our family and close friends about being pregnant and everyone rejoiced with us. My 9 year old daughter was so happy that she cried for about 30 minutes. God was good and it was so easy to see that.
I started to make my own plans....notice how I just said my own plans. That's going to be crucial in all of this. I figured I would work at my real job the entire I was pregnant plus work at my sewing. Then after I had our sweet baby I would come home. If I worked while I was pregnant not only could we pay off every debt we had except the house note but we could also save a nice chunk of change saved. Then we wouldn't have to worry so much if my sewing business ever got slow.
I prayed that the baby inside of me was growing to be perfect and healthy. I praised God for his perfect timing. I had such joy because God answered my prayers. Everything was perfect. Little did I know that only a few short weeks later my "perfect" world was going to be turned upside down. I was about to be plummeted into a valley so dark that I wondered how I would survive it. My dreams were about to come apart at the seams.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Strength for Today, Hope for Tomorrow
Great is thy faithfulness...I don't think I really ever knew how great God's faithfulness was until this year. God put me on a journey this year that would forever change my life. I have had heartbreak beyond what I thought I could endure but he has taught me that his grace is all that I need. (2 Corinthians 12:8) I have had my dreams crushed but he has shown me that his plans for me are good and he wants to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah29:11) I have felt so weak but he showed me it is when I am weak that his power works best. (2 Corinthians 12:8) I have discovered as I empty myself of all that I am and allow him to fill me up with all that he is that I can endure all things because it is Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)
I don't want to write a book on my first blog. :) But I want to share my journey with you. I will try to write a little each day about what God has done in my life this year, what he continues to do, and what he is showing me through my pain. I feel like God has given me a story and I feel so compelled to share it with others. Even now as I write this I feel such joy and such heartache at the same time. It's a strange feeling but God gives me peace through my pain. He gives me joy as he shows me how he blesses me daily. He gives me strength for today and hope for tomorrow.
I don't want to write a book on my first blog. :) But I want to share my journey with you. I will try to write a little each day about what God has done in my life this year, what he continues to do, and what he is showing me through my pain. I feel like God has given me a story and I feel so compelled to share it with others. Even now as I write this I feel such joy and such heartache at the same time. It's a strange feeling but God gives me peace through my pain. He gives me joy as he shows me how he blesses me daily. He gives me strength for today and hope for tomorrow.
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